What Is Love?

I once wrote a post of the same title in which I tried to work out just what it is we mean by "love." Today, with a troubled heart, I am undertaking a similar task. So many people speak of love that it almost goes without a thought.

I have observed people utterly crushed by love. I've seen it on television, heard it in song lyrics, and read it in books. The story around which my entire life is based is about a man who was God and took upon himself the weight of every evil in the world for love. To try and actually understand just what that entailed seems, at present, very difficult. Maybe that's the rotten truth about love: it demolishes us with such grim efficiency, leaving us so broken in spirit that it's difficult to actually conceive of still being alive. Even so, it remains. It remains because it must. Beneath the taint of humanity, beneath the pain and hardships and evils, it is still possible to understand that love has all the characteristics listed by Paul: patient, kind, not jealous, not arrogant, not acting unbecomingly, not seeking its own, not provoked, not taking into account wrongs suffered, not rejoicing in unrighteousness but truth, and of course bearing, believing, hoping, and enduring all things.

Love never fails.

This fundamental truth can be fairly easily recognized. When we are at our best, full of love and acting accordingly, we bring joy both to ourselves and to those around us. When we are at our worst there is conflict, suffering, and pain. Nevertheless, we always turn back around, because love nudges us in the right direction. We feel guilt for hasty actions or words, mean-spirited or sarcastic, intended to hurt or simply thoughtless, that bring harm to loved ones.

Maybe there is no rotten truth about love, after all. Maybe it's just the truth about us: we dig our own spiritual and emotional graves. For one person to take upon themself this kind of misery on behalf of every human that has ever and will ever live...death would seem to be a relief. To do this in the name of love is to give a great indication as to what power love actually has. It is a weighty perspective with which to view things. And maybe we just can't really understand love without such a perspective.

What a messed up world this is.

On the Absurdity of Sports

I was sitting at a baseball game today, and it occurred to me that sports are utterly and completely absurd. I mean, stop for a second. You're standing there with a stick, trying to hit a ball away from people so that you can run around a square path marked with "bases" at 60 foot intervals. What are you thinking? What is the significance of any of this action? What's more, how is it that we have determined the ideal positions and sequences of motion to accomplish these odd things? And why do people enjoy watching them so much? I seriously think that if I were an alien visiting Earth for a day, I would conclude that humans are insane.

Hmmm...that little rant was much shorter than I originally intended. But really, think about it. Sports are completely ridiculous. Why are they such a huge part of life?

Calling

I wonder what my calling is. I keep sitting here (wherever here is, exactly; it varies) feeling like I don't belong. I honestly think I'm in over my head with this engineering stuff. I'm not going to say I'm not smart; I don't really think that. And frankly, I'm grateful that I'm smart enough to somehow still be passing my classes. I just feel like my gifts, as it were, are wasted here. And frankly, the social life kind of sucks too. My options are limited to staying in my room (or common area, or across the hall) basically wasting time (which is appropriate at least a good amount of the time), or going to boring frat parties where I know no one and there isn't anything to do but drink. Well, I guess there are also hockey games during the season, but I only went to one this year because our team sucked and it was really depressing. On top of that, my faith and values are scoffed at by the "academics" running about, and of course I'm also surrounded by stifling liberalism that frequently makes me feel sick.

That's not actually part of my overarching train of thought (although it certainly lends a hand in my thinking that I am completely in the wrong place at this point). I mean, there certainly is virtue in being in my position. I suppose I'm right in the middle of the cosmic battlefield, and for this I guess I should feel honored. Even so, I never feel like speaking what I think or behaving in a way that I believe will set a good example for others actually does any good. And of course there are the times that I utterly fail to set a good example, which are probably enough to completely countermand anything good I might accomplish.

I suppose, in short, I don't feel that I'm actually strong enough to survive in my present environment. Peter said, "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." He also listed several qualities we must seek diligently: faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love. "For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins." Peter urges us to be diligent and steadfast, lest we become like the dog returning to its own vomit, or the sow who washes and then returns to wallow in the mire. I often feel devoured and dirty. I have done things that I regret, repented, and done them again anyway.

What's more, according to Paul, "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it." That just makes me a failure, I think. It is by my own choices in the face of temptations I am capable of resisting that lead me back to the proverbial vomit and mire.

To summarize (and I hope this is not construed as "emo"), my life seems like a mess and I feel alone. And I'm thinking about joining the Army. Maybe that's my calling. For some reason it keeps popping up in my head. Sure, there's always the risk of getting killed in action, but frankly right now I don't really feel like I'm living for anything. Maybe that's just a worthy risk.

I wish this semester would end already. At least then I can be miserable in a safe environment at home, on vacation.

Watchmen

Holy cow. I don't think I can say enough good about the movie right now. I just returned from my second IMAX viewing, and it blew me completely away. I mean, it was good the first time, but that second viewing was essential for capturing the subtleties that I might have missed before.

The soundtrack was superb. That's one thing I usually don't pick up on in movies. It was eccentric, to be sure, but the songs fit beautifully with what was going on on-screen. One of my favorite parts, effect-wise (and I'm talking not just about special effects, but the entire atmosphere of the scene) was Dr. Manhattan's back story sequence. I don't even particularly like Dr. Manhattan, but his character was made so incredibly vivid I couldn't help but enjoy watching it.

And as far as book renditions go (I say "book" rather than "comic," because Watchmen resembles a novel more than it does a comic book, and is actually a graphic novel anyway), it was easily the best I've seen in a long time, possibly ever. While picking up on the subtle (and overt) changes, the feel of the story and thematic elements were amazingly well preserved. Perhaps this is due to the abundance of pictures alongside words that allowed it to be captured in motion so well, but even other graphic-novel-based films weren't nearly as spectacular (i.e. 300, V for Vendetta, and Sin City). I think this can also partly be attributed to the excellence of Watchmen's superb story.

The acting was great, and in my opinion the casting was spot on. The costumes were cool, updated versions of their original counterparts, while staying true to the essences of the originals. The cinematography was also excellent. One part that I picked up on in particular was a shot framing the auto repair sign outside of Hollis Mason's house. Even the ending--slightly altered from the book--served to deliver the same effect while maintaining plausibility.

I don't think I have anything bad to say about it at this point. I defy a better movie to come out in 2009. And I'll tell you right now, the Academy and their prejudice against comics and super heroes can suck an ol' buck. This thing was a spectacle. There is no way any artsy movie can possibly match up.

In fact, I think I can summarize the entire moviegoing experience in this simple sentence: I want to be a masked adventurer.

A Bit More Productive

My roommate Alex Rakotz happened to walk by while I was loafing on my bed watching "Lost." He told me I should be a bit more productive, so this is my attempt. I didn't have class today, just like every Thursday, and since this upcoming week is Spring break, I don't really have anything to do for classes tomorrow. This week was something of a joke for me on the whole.

I am up to the fourth season of "Lost" at this point. I have been watching for approximately three weeks now (I started the first season during Valentine's Day weekend, when I had four consecutive days off, along with the fourth season of 24). I have almost completely caught up with the current airing of the show. I suppose this is quite a feat.

It's not like I really have anything better to spend my time on. I also have spent a fair amount of the last few days playing my guitar, and last night I even started playing "God of War" for want of something a little different than what I've been doing. I guess I'm basically bored out of my skull, although it's not really something that bothers me altogether too much. I can't wait for break, because I'm tired of sitting around here doing nothing. I would rather be at home for a week doing nothing, at least with access to a car and the upcoming CBA musical to look forward to.

I don't really have anything good to say. I guess I'll leave it there.

A Brief Nugget of Wisdom

Today in my "Metaphysics and Consciousness" class we had a discussion about computers, their potential consciousness, awareness, knowledge, and things of that nature, and whether we will ever build a robot that we can call a "person."

It is my opinion that computers are not conscious, are not people, and never will be. Despite technological advancements, there are just certain things that set us people apart from them, such that the gap can never be bridged. Now, for my nugget of wisdom:

Computers may not be people, but they sure are much more reliable. Computers don't ever make you miserable.

One More Thing

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I hate the Guitar Hero drum set. That thing is a piece of junk. It drops notes, it's wireless (automatically a bad thing), and the pads feel freaking weird. I was only getting three stars on easy songs because it refused to let me get higher than a 2x multiplier.

And you know what else? I hate HDTVs. Well, no, I hate trying to integrate Guitar Hero with an HDTV. The lag calibration is impossible. Even if you "fix" it, you can still feel it. It feels like trying to play an instrument with your hands submerged in mud. For crying out loud, since they aren't making CRT TVs anymore, fix the lag before you release the next game. I'm sick of dealing with it. I actually like watching television in HD. Except when it's regular television, in which case it sucks and looks all pixelated. Eff.

I'm so glad my 8AM [in the morning] class is cancelled tomorrow. I don't think I could deal with so-called "Professional Development" this week. It's like taking 6th grade all over again, without all the perks. No, it's actually way worse than that. 6th grade was awesome. PD1 is not awesome. Although the teacher is actually kind of chill. The only thing is that he says "8AM in the morning," which is one of my pet peeves. You might as well say "8AM AM," or "8 in the morning in the morning." It means the same God-blasted thing.

Oh yeah, and now instead of just one blue screen of death related to my video card and/or drivers, I'm getting two. THAT MEMORY PARITY ERROR IS BACK! My "G" key doesn't really work too well either. The time draws nigh to make good on my warranty.

The wammy bar on the Syn custom is broken. What a freaking pain. The little can opener in the kitchen sucks. The electric one is also a pain. "Lost" is just a random mish-mosh of nonsense with a set of regular characters. The water here tastes metallic, and we no longer have a Brita filter. There's no milk to eat Corn Flakes with.

AND NOW. I WANT. TO PLAY. WITH MY STAR WARS TOYS!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I had a dream I was being chased by two Terminators. By way of my cleverness, I got away from them, but it was still a very intense and trying experience. Terminators don't typically mess around. At least these ones were satisfied with giving me back a pen I had lost. Only, I hadn't lost a pen. I think it was just their pretense to kill me. It's not the best way to start off the week (since I start off the week on Tuesday rather than Monday).

Man, I am in a foul mood.

A True Cinderella Story (Sort Of)

The following is transcribed from a conversation that took place on January 30th:

Al Kass4:	okay so
Al Kass4:	they had an arcade night tonight
Al Kass4:	and they had an ultimate mortal kombat 3 machine
Al Kass4:	so me and milton went up, and i played him
Al Kass4:	i, of course, was scorpion, and he was sub zero
Al Kass4:	so i beat him with ease
Al Kass4:	but as soon as we got over there, this guy goes "oh im playing winner"
Al Kass4:	guy looks all geared up
Al Kass4:	apparently he was standing behind us watching me, and he said to andrew timm, "watch this, im gonna kick this guy's butt"
Al Kass4:	so milton steps away
Al Kass4:	and the guy steps up and goes "alright, it's on buddy"
Al Kass4:	so
Al Kass4:	strategically
Al Kass4:	i picked smoke
Al Kass4:	2 best moves in the game
Balrog1030:	amen
Al Kass4:	we start, immediately i teleport punched him
Al Kass4:	HOO HA
Al Kass4:	and then i speared him
Al Kass4:	and i kept doing that a couple times
Al Kass4:	won that round reasonably easily
Al Kass4:	then the next round
Al Kass4:	kid's drilling me
Al Kass4:	had me down to about 10% and i hadnt touched him
Al Kass4:	and then
Al Kass4:	BAM
Al Kass4:	got him once with the spear, and it was game over
Al Kass4:	trounced his a
Al Kass4:	he couldnt get a move in after that
Balrog1030:	schweet
Balrog1030:	good jorb
Al Kass4:	and i said "alright im done" and walked away
Al Kass4:	the moral of the story is
Al Kass4:	you dont come into my house and tell me youre gonna kick my butt at my game
Al Kass4:	it's not often that i lose at mortal kombat
Al Kass4:	especially not to cocky s.o.b.'s
Al Kass4:	it was epic
Al Kass4:	i was quite proud of myself
Balrog1030:	that is a true cinderella story

8,000 Bumper Stickers

For those of you too young to remember the days when "bumper sticker" meant nothing to do with Facebook (which should be none of you, since all of about three people read this and those people are older than me), I use the term to refer to actual stickers placed on the bumper of a car. Or, in the case that I'm writing about, all over every free surface of the car, including the windshield.

Some cars have far too many bumper stickers. It's a simple fact. I pointed out this afternoon, while looking at one such car parked off the street in Troy, that when I see a car with 8,000 bumper stickers I feel like I want to blow it up with an RPG. This is roughly 30% due to the sheer number of stickers and 70% due to the content of the stickers. As a rule of thumb, when you see a car covered in its weight in stickers, you can generally ascertain a few things: they are a liberal nutcase, an environmentalist-bordering-on-eco-terrorism, and one of those "coexisters" (you know, that one stupid sticker that has the word "coexist" written in all kinds of religious symbols). They probably value lobsters over human lives. They probably making a hobby out of hugging trees and loving dirt. And it's about 99% sure that in this past election they voted for socialism, infanticide, rabid globalism, and otherwise Barack Obama.

If you are offended by the last paragraph, then I probably don't like your world view.

Heck, those are just the types of people that put that many bumper stickers on their cars. It's really stupid. It's like waving a big red flag with the word "idiot" embroidered upon it in bold lettering. I mean, heck, 30% of the idiocy comes from the sheer number of stickers in the first place. That's still saying something.

On a related note, I really wish life were more like Grand Theft Auto. You know, when that person honks their horn at you for absolutely no reason, you can just plow 'em off the road. You can mow down those pedestrians abusing their "right of way" to mosey across the crosswalk for a period of time that seems about five years long. Or not even the crosswalk, just simply a random spot in the middle of the road. Mostly, though, I'd like to just plow bad drivers off the road and ignore the speed limit and such.

Hmmmm...it seems like I'm kind of in a bad mood. But it's all good, because I had a slice of chicken alfredo pizza from Pizza Bella. Schweet.