It's that time of night where I can no longer avoid thinking. I basically avoid being alone with my thoughts all day, by doing any number of things. I sleep late for no reason, play computer games for hours at a time, watch TV shows, play my guitar, play Magic, announce baseball games (which is my job, but it helps), etc. I'm sure the list could be expanded. I'm not tired. I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep for a while. I couldn't sleep last night. Since all this stuff hits me at a time when its not feasible to share with anyone else, I might as well write it down here.
It's actually very simple. My heart is broken, and my life is in pieces. I'm heading towards a future that I don't care about. I'm going to graduate college, enter the work force (hopefully; with the economy the way it is, maybe I won't even get that far), and then survive. Not even live, no, just survive. When I think of living, I think of what it's like to be able to look at one person and see everything I could ever want, and watch my happy ending unfold. I would take any job, live anywhere, do just about anything to make that person happy. Just to be able to share a lifetime of experiences with that person would be enough. None of this stuff I'm doing satisfies me. It's not life. It's just distracting me from what would otherwise be just emptiness.
Well, I guess I'm just doomed. I don't expect anyone out there to really care or feel sorry or anything. Heck, if no one ever reads this, I won't know any better. I'm not the first or the only person to be in this situation. Even as I'm writing this, I know it's completely stupid.
I'm just another victim of love...or the failure thereof.
It's actually very simple. My heart is broken, and my life is in pieces. I'm heading towards a future that I don't care about. I'm going to graduate college, enter the work force (hopefully; with the economy the way it is, maybe I won't even get that far), and then survive. Not even live, no, just survive. When I think of living, I think of what it's like to be able to look at one person and see everything I could ever want, and watch my happy ending unfold. I would take any job, live anywhere, do just about anything to make that person happy. Just to be able to share a lifetime of experiences with that person would be enough. None of this stuff I'm doing satisfies me. It's not life. It's just distracting me from what would otherwise be just emptiness.
Well, I guess I'm just doomed. I don't expect anyone out there to really care or feel sorry or anything. Heck, if no one ever reads this, I won't know any better. I'm not the first or the only person to be in this situation. Even as I'm writing this, I know it's completely stupid.
I'm just another victim of love...or the failure thereof.
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